Jacqlyn Burnett: Author & Founder of Happiness Habitat

Episode 476

Jacqlyn Burnett, Author & Founder of Happiness Habitat, shares all about her latest book, Happiness Habitat, and why being grateful and being in a flow state of mind creates true happiness. How practicing thinking happy and training your brain to have happy thoughts gets one to the best version of themselves. Plus, Jacqlyn shares many of her own stories that led to this thinking. The lessons are there! The playbook is too. So inspiring and motivating. Make the decision to listen now on this episode of #TheKaraGoldinShow.

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Transcript

Kara Goldin 0:00
I am unwilling to give up that I will start over from scratch as many times as it takes to get where I want to be I want to be, you just want to make sure you will get knocked down. But just make sure you don’t get knocked down knocked out. So your only choice should be go focus on what you can control control control. Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Kara Goldin show. Join me each week for inspiring conversations with some of the world’s greatest leaders. We’ll talk with founders, entrepreneurs, CEOs, and really some of the most interesting people of our time. Can’t wait to get started. Let’s go. Let’s go. Hi, everyone, it’s Kara Goldin from the Kara Goldin show. And I’m so excited to have my next guest. Here we have Jacqlyn Burnett, who is the author and founder of happiness habit, which is also the title of the book. But we will get all into that. What is happiness habit, her book is terrific. And we are going to dig into a lot more of what she discusses in the book, which truly made me happy. And everything about it was just absolutely great. And sometimes I feel like to just sit there and focus on things that can actually change your life. That’s what I felt like was the gist of what Jacqlyn is talking about, which is, is an important reminder, especially for people who are maybe feeling challenged in some way. How do you get out of that rut? How do you figure out how to move forward. So such an awesome, awesome book and opportunity to have her here. So thank you so much for coming on. Jacqlyn,

Jacqlyn Burnett 1:48
thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to finally have this conversation with you. I know we’ve been going back and forth on Instagram, and I’ve been so inspired by your work. So it’s an honor to be on the show. And I’m excited to dive into all things happiness and just optimization in the beauty of life.

Kara Goldin 2:05
I love it. Well, you are definitely an inspiration. And as as we were just discussing, we you our connection is a couple of different people, Dave Meltzer, as well as Casey, and one of my favorites, and just such a great guy and somebody who you just became engaged to congratulations. Very exciting. Thank you. Super, super exciting. So as I mentioned in my intro, the book is incredible. It’s called happiness habit. I have it right here. If you can see it as well. Can you give us a brief overview of the book and why you decided to write this now? Yeah,

Jacqlyn Burnett 2:50
of course. So to me, happiness is a superpower, right? So when you’re, when you’re happy, your lens is clear. So any obstacle that was once in your way becomes an illusion. And so the book is all about how do you optimize each area of your life, so you can access the state of happiness that much more easily and accessibly. Because it’s so powerful. And so my whole, my whole life has really been, you know, my successes I attribute to my mindset, my strong mindset that I’ve built, and being able to quickly go to happiness that much more quickly. And it’s due because of, you know, the mentors I had as a kid to my adult life to right now and how I’m able to actually continue to shape the life that you know, I’m currently living.

Kara Goldin 3:36
Absolutely. And so for people who haven’t read the book, the focus on happiness, I think you’re always going to have these naysayers who are thinking, you know, sometimes it’s okay not to be happy. I mean, what is your sort of response to to that? Yeah,

Jacqlyn Burnett 3:54
yeah, of course, emotions are tools, right, we’re lucky to be able to experience the full spectrum of emotions. You know, imagine you’re driving a car, and the engine light is on right, you don’t ignore the engine light. And that’s the same way as if you were to become a little bit off center angry, you don’t ignore those emotions, they’re there. They’re showing up to teach you something to tell you something. So the book isn’t necessarily saying Be happy 24/7 Because that’s just not realistic. And we also don’t necessarily want that the book is just how do you actually access that that superpower you know, growing up, I was really lucky where I had parents that really really empowered me. You know, they empowered me through communication through teaching me the best things to eat. You know, I was never the fun house for kids to come over. We never had processed food. We only had you know apples bananas and vegetables and so no kid of my friend at the time wanted ever come over and that was okay, because I’m really grateful for that now, and I think that impart also helps you will, the ability for me to be the best I can possibly be Yeah. And so that’s kind of what the book is about is how do you really just just turn the knob a little bit and optimize each area of that life, right that you’re going to experience. Because in my view, you know, you’ve you want life to live. And you know, the old saying that the kids would say, or whatever, YOLO, right, that’s not necessarily go out and do everything you can, but it’s about living your best life. It’s so important because you have one life, and I like to say life is both long. And it’s also short. So you really should make the most of it.

Kara Goldin 5:34
So I’ve heard you discuss being grateful, and being in a flow state of mind, and how that there’s definitely a connection to true happiness. Can you describe that a little

Jacqlyn Burnett 5:47
bit, of course, of course. So I like to say Happiness is when you’re grateful for the present moment, it’s really impossible to not be happy, when you’re grateful, because you’re reminding yourself, the good in life, the great things in life. And so when you can get to that point where you can say, you know, I’m really grateful that I’m talking to you, right now, I’m in the present moment, this is, this is something that I know hopefully, will also help other people, right, it’s hard not to be happy. And so when we talk about being in flow, the connection between the two, it becomes really obvious, when you can, you know, you have your intention, your desire for what you want to accomplish, and you are so in tune with what you want to deliver to yourself into this world, you become into the state of flow, and I describe the state of flow is like, you know, when that that golfer hits that hole in one, or the basketball, you know, goes right inside of the hoop, there’s no distractions outside of that athlete, they’re so focused on their mission, they’re so grateful for the opportunity they have to deliver what they’re pursuing. So I think those that’s really the connection between the two. And so if you can really just, you know, sit down, if you’re having trouble, just, you know, I’m not grateful for right now, right? Like, I have, you know, people to the left of me, and I’m not in a good environment, I hear yelling, or, you know, I was in this abusive relationship, and I’m having a really hard time because that’s the reality of things, things aren’t always great. If you can go back to say, you know, my now is the accumulation of your past actions, thoughts and ideas, you say, I and you know, that you’re in control of exactly what you want to have in your life, you can then move continuously move and change your actions, thoughts and behaviors, to align with who you want to become. And that’s also has to do with the, you know, the majesty of flow.

Kara Goldin 7:39
Definitely. So you just touched on one of the tools, which I think is really important, when I, I feel like for some people in particular, getting happy, and, and frankly, staying happy is so hard for them. And I think sometimes if they don’t have the tools, or they don’t have somebody around them, that is reminding them what to be grateful for and, and how to sort of lift themselves into this different state. Anything else that you would suggest to people who are feeling, you know, really down? You know, I feel like at times, social media, the news, things like that, that are really kind of a strain on Yeah. On your, your mindset more than and your flow state, too. Is there anything else that you’ve seen? That really is kind of a the answer? Absolutely.

Jacqlyn Burnett 8:38
So I think it also starts it just and I talked about this in the book as well, but it just auditing your environment. You know, in every sense of the word, auditing, the people, places, things that are around you, the things that fill your time, personally, even as far as you know, social media, I only follow people that I know, I’m going to be inspired by because of course, I’m going to go on social media, I’m going to connect with my friends. But if there are people or things that I follow, that just don’t fuel the betterment of Jacqueline Burnett, and how I can personally give back into this world, and it’s not going to be in my life, but it’s not that easy, right? I personally, I’ve been in a friendship, a past friendship, where it was a completely abusive friendship. And I allowed this toxic human into my life and I forgot the Jaclyn Burnett, that I, you know, used to be this beautiful, happy Jacqueline, it’s almost like I felt like I was living in another world and I would manipulate myself to think I’m supposed to go through this. There’s a lesson to be learned here. No, you know, it’s, it’s much as you want to say audit your environment. Yes, but you need to create a plan for yourself. So if you’re coming from a place of just not pure love, affection, and you can’t love yourself, you know, because you are just infiltrated by this toxicity, you know, like to say like, toxicity is like cancer, you let it in and it spreads all over. You know, so it’s important to create a plan for yourself and to and just for me, I find yourself that this current state that I’m in does not have to be the state that I always have to remain. And the one of the best things I can say, in those environments is just one, I always like to observe my thoughts, because sometimes we can be so much in our thoughts. So sometimes it’s really helpful where if you can imagine, right, you’re in it, you’re in a room, we’re talking right now, even right now I’m doing this, I’m imagining, like, I’m somewhere in the corner of the room, and I’m observing this conversation, because we have over 40,000 thoughts a day, right? And a lot of those times those are negative, what you resist persists. So if you’re gonna keep having these negative thoughts come into your head, you’re gonna keep infiltrating them, right, you’re gonna keep having those repetitive thoughts. So instead, observe those thoughts. If you observe and acknowledge there’s a negative thought, let it pass by visualize, like it’s passing by. I

Kara Goldin 10:47
love that. So one of my favorite chapters in your book was chapter five, that you talk about what you consume consumes you, which I think you sort of touched on a bit, but can you share? What the big takeaway I think this is an add on to what you were just talking about? But yeah, I’d love to have you describe it a little bit? More? Yeah, of

Jacqlyn Burnett 11:11
course. So what you can see him consumes you, just as everything else, you know, exterior, the exterior, right? When you when you watch something negative, or you’re always hearing negative words, you’re going to actually feel those negative things, right. So the same way food works, you know, we get to fuel ourselves. And whether you want to fuel yourself with, let’s say, a diesel or premium fuel, how do you want to run? Right? Do you want to run like a sports car, or not go that fast and run optimally. Personally, the you know, I would like to run the best I possibly can. So I can be as efficient and go into that flow state, as we mentioned before, but food interacts with your body, it’s your gut and brain interaction are so interconnected, they’re not separate from each other. You know, if you’re going to eat a bag of chips, I talk about in the book of gut bugs a lot. But, you know, they’re going to feel those bad gut bugs, which are going to signal in the brain, keep giving me more of that. And it’s also going to add the distractions from all the preservatives and chemicals and everything else in there that’s in there. So if you can grab instead of a bag of chips, or something that’s not as nutrient dense, which is a word I really, really love, it’s how many nutrients can you fit into a calorie, you’re going to be that much better off, because you’re going to be just like your body’s your temple, you’re going to be thinking, your body’s going to thank you and rewarding you by feeling great. Because if you don’t feel great, you’re not gonna be able to perform at your best and be able to snap back to that beautiful center state that you once were in. It’s

Kara Goldin 12:47
so true. It’s, it’s, I think it’s it’s so challenging for, for people to kind of just start right and start to really conceptualize that or know how to do that. But I think that that’s another thing you’re that chapter was really a reminder, even for somebody that eats pretty healthy.

Jacqlyn Burnett 13:07
Well, there’s also you have to understand what your baseline is, too, right? Everyone has a different baseline. And so you have to love and respect your own baseline, if you know that you are starting from a point where I currently in my home, don’t have any organic healthy foods. Currently, my home, it’s all quickly convenient foods that are prepackaged, that’s okay. Just know, that’s your starting line, and then look for resources, even such as my book that kind of that give that high level and also tips and tricks to help you get into more of an understanding of why it’s important to eat food, because also without the why it’s hard to understand if someone just tells you, hey, you have to eat healthy? Well, I don’t, I don’t know why, why, why am I going to do that? I’m going to do what I continuously enjoy. And sometimes it’s also hard for people to understand, you know, there’s there’s different different types of levels of life that you’re going to encounter. And so you don’t know what you don’t know, I don’t know what I don’t know. And so if I can understand the reasons why the concepts of why something might help me, I’m going to search for that. Because there’s always room to grow. There’s always an area to optimize. I feel

Kara Goldin 14:23
like when I looked at some of your book, I should mention this, that your each of your chapters, talks with somebody, right? You’re having a conversation with people that basically come to mind when you’re trying to describe this belief that you have in the book and one of them is your fiance, Casey Adams, who I think is definitely one happy person and he talks about communication. So how is that something that is Is is so critical in order to really get to this happiness habitat? Sure,

Jacqlyn Burnett 15:07
sure. So back up by saying, I used to say I’m the happiest person I knew until I met Casey. He is, Casey is the happiest person I know. And when you can, you can try and rock this guy off his, his, you know, board and he’s not going to fall off. He’s so strong in his mindset. And his communication follows. And it’s also there to start. And so I was really grateful to have to include Casey in this book, because he is a master communicator, he does this for a living, you know, he interviews people and toxic people for a living. And so getting to learn in a more formal setting of just the importance of communication in case his eyes, it’s something that we absolutely see eye to eye on. You know, Casey talks about the importance of self talk, right? Because if you say to yourself, I’m not good enough, I’m not good looking, I am not going to succeed at this, well, guess what you’re going to absolutely do what you say you’re going to do. Your thoughts, your ideas, the things that you think, are going to manifest simply because you put that energy out into the world. And that’s what you’re telling yourself. So inside, if you tell yourself, I’m incredible, I got this, I’m doing this, or I’ve already done this. I’m beautiful, like any of these beautiful things, you’re going to continue to believe that it’s that same idea that I spoke about, you know, you have these 40,000, repetitive thoughts, what if you could change those repetitive thoughts from a negative self talk to positive, how much more productive Are you going to be and how much more you can be able to help people as well. So I think communication, it’s such a huge aspect in our world, right? It’s the bridge to succeeding and communicating with other people with yourself to a group of people. And so it’s important to realize where if you can just tell yourself or be able to even journal and just figure out what’s in your subconscious, because your subconscious, dictates your conscious, which dictates your every single day life. So if you can even just practice journaling, you’ll be able to figure out what’s going on up there. If you you know, don’t feel like having a one on one conversation with yourself. That’s a good, that’s a good strategy.

Kara Goldin 17:29
It’s so true. And I find too, that sometimes it’s hard for me to do that in my house, right? Like, I have to go outside and, and get into nature. And, and it’s usually I’m usually talking in my head versus talking out loud, but I could talk out loud, probably would think I’m on air pods or have a man so you know, you never know. But it’s, it’s definitely you know, you’ve got to figure out how to get your mindset in, in that direction, to be able to, you know, communicate good thoughts to yourself, because it’s so true. Whatever you think about, you know, if you fear something, you’re going to manifest it all ultimately, and give energy to that,

Jacqlyn Burnett 18:18
right. And I also think, too, if you’re coming from a space of just not, you know, you’re not already able to snap into that, that happiness, or you want to be able to map to center that much more quickly. Like, you have to remember to because everyone’s gonna go through DOM periods, it’s just the natural way of life is doing, you have to remember number one, respect yourself and love yourself. Because without that, really, how are you going to be able to get back to being your best version of you. And what I say by what I say by respect in love, you know, it’s the same way that you would respect and love your partner, your significant other, you know, in a marriage or a long term relationship, you made it that far, because you have so much respect for that person that even if something gets in the way, even if there’s something negative that happens to the both of you or one of you, and you get an argument as long as you’re coming from a place of love and respect, you’re gonna be able to get to the next best place that much more quickly. So I think it’s important remember that for yourself to where if you can just talk to yourself, you know, it’s okay that I’m not happy right now. It’s okay that I’m angry right now. But let’s keep moving forward and let’s figure out solutions because life is too beautiful to not enjoy it.

Kara Goldin 19:31
So if a friend came to you and said I’m on board I want to join this happiness habitat I’m just not very happy what what do you what would you say what what is the first thing that maybe that frame work to say? Okay, start here.

Jacqlyn Burnett 19:52
So funny should say that. I just had this happen actually with a friend best friend. She came to me after For a month of, you know, no communication and, and I gave her that space and you know, I’d always be reaching out every single day just saying, I love you, I’m here for you all these different things. And finally, I got a phone call saying, I’m so sorry, I needed that space. I’ve never been so down before in my life. And that’s really difficult to hear, especially about someone that you just absolutely love. And that’s been in your life forever. And so, we, we talk all the time, except obviously, for that last month period where she just cut out everyone in her life. And I was I was telling her, you know, the first place you want to start is just accepting and saying that’s okay. It’s okay that I wasn’t feeling great. It’s okay, that I’m still not feeling great, because it’s a part of life. So, one, just love yourself, give yourself your own hug. You know, mentally seriously, it’s really important to do that. And then too, I always personally like to do this myself. But just think about what are the things that do bring me joy? What are the things that historically have brought me joy? Is it calling my mom, is it going on a walk outside, and as much as it’s uncomfortable to do those things, when you’re in a horrible mood, it’s important to do that, because that’s what once brought you joy. Another thing too, is, you know, when you are grateful for something, when you remind yourself, or the things that you are grateful for, it’s also really hard to continue to be upset. And yes, you might still be uneasy, and you might still be working off those negative cellular emotions that you just experienced. But it’s important to just say, you know, what, I’m grateful I can breathe right now is that if that is all you want to sound great before, that’s going to make a huge impact. Because guess what you are alive, there’s room to grow, there’s room to get back to center, and you get to now have, this experience that you’re experienced dealing with right now is a part of your story. And that’s going to make you even better. And so that’s what I told my my friend, she called me the next day. She’s like, I, I almost cried, I almost cried to say this, but she she was so grateful, because you know, she has, she has a beautiful life. But sometimes we get in our own way, you know, having a house and a beautiful husband and family and everything, sometimes we get in our own way. And it’s it’s important to just remind yourself of how good things really are. And then just continue to move in that direction, anything that’s not making you feel great. Remove, remove, simply, if you have family members or friends. Just as much as as much as it’s difficult to say, even if they’ve been there forever, you need to remove them. You have to remove the things don’t have the news on 24/7. If you that’s historically what you’re doing, I wonder why you’re so upset. There’s consistent negative communication, you know, going your way. So you want to bring more people into your life and more things in your life that that bring you love and joy? No,

Kara Goldin 22:59
I think that’s such a great reminder, for sure. I also feel like especially in a post pandemic world, what we’re realizing is that human communication, and is is so critical. And I think that your mood can be changed dramatically, just getting off of your computer. Right and, and getting off of zoom calls or that it’s just so key. And I also feel like this, you know, there’s always an allotted amount of time for these computer meetings, right. And I think like, that’s, that’s not necessarily what connection is all about, right? When you’re getting together with a friend for lunch, maybe you’ve sort of block a certain amount of time, but it’s just it’s a little bit more free flowing than that. And I think that that’s such a really important thing for people if they’re just not feeling themselves, or they’re feeling a little bit unhappy, is to focus on that sort of stuff, too. And just get outside and see people and connect. Yeah, also setting

Jacqlyn Burnett 24:07
boundaries, too. I feel like not enough, people are really setting boundaries for themselves and the people they allow in their lives. Because as humans, we do want to please as many people as we can. But it’s also important to make sure you know, you can’t, you can overspill into someone’s cup, if your cup isn’t all the way full. So you have to be able to set those boundaries. So you can give fully, you know, whether that is you know, you know, you have a 30 minute lunch break and you have these meetings that were only supposed to be X amount of time make sure you set those boundaries. Of course, things happen or even if it’s family members, then you know, there’s a family member that always comes to you to talk about someone else could well that’s not productive or kind. So set a boundary, you know, only talk with me if you want to have a pure conversation about anyone else. You know, I think it’s always about identifying what could those boundaries be auditing your environment. just being really grateful for what you currently have and knowing where you can currently go or where you can go.

Kara Goldin 25:05
No, I absolutely love that. So, Jacqueline, thank you so much everyone needs to grab a copy of this book, The Happiness habit. And it’s, it’s a fast read, but it’s so worth it. And I definitely was smiling as I was reading it, because it’s I knew a few of the people in the book and it definitely, it. It’s everything that I think of when I think of these these people, for sure what they talk about, but I feel like there’s, it’s just always a great reminder, right? That you know how to refocus yourself, if you’re feeling off one day, do an edit of of things that are not making you happy. All of those things, I think are just so critical. So thank you for writing this. And we’ll have all the info in the show notes too. But such a great, great job on this. So thank you again for coming on and, and had a lot of fun talking to you. And thank you everybody for listening.

Jacqlyn Burnett 26:10
Thank you, Kara. Thank you, everyone.

Kara Goldin 26:13
Thanks again for listening to the Kara Goldin show. If you would, please give us a review. And feel free to share this podcast with others who would benefit and of course, feel free to subscribe so you don’t miss a single episode of our podcast. Just a reminder that it can be found on all platforms at Kara Goldin. And if you want to hear more about my journey, I hope you will have a listen or pick up a copy of my book on daunted which I share my journey, including founding and building hint. We are here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And thanks everyone for listening. Have a great rest of the week, and 2023 and good bye for now. Before we sign off, I want to talk to you about fear. People like to talk about fearless leaders. But achieving big goals isn’t about fearlessness. Successful leaders recognize their fears and decide to deal with them head on in order to move forward. This is where my new book undaunted comes in. This book is designed for anyone who wants to succeed in the face of fear, overcome doubts and live a little undaunted. Order your copy today at undaunted, the book.com and learn how to look your doubts and doubters in the eye and achieve your dreams. For a limited time. You’ll also receive a free case of hint water. Do you have a question for me or want to nominate an innovator to spotlight send me a tweet at Kara Goldin and let me know. And if you liked what you heard, please leave me a review on Apple podcasts. You can also follow along with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and LinkedIn at Kara Goldin. Thanks for listening

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